cold relief
Talking to people, friends and strangers alike, has always been its own kind of nightmare. My heart races if I even think about having to talk to someone. I lose courage before I’ve even started. Wait, is it possible to lose something you’ve never had? My best friend once told me it felt like talking to a wall when we first met; I gave nothing away. I am forever in disbelief that we became friends at all. Her persistence deserves a standing ovation.
What I’ve been practicing:
- Holding eye contact instead of keeping my eyes lowered.
- Letting my face show instead of staying stony-faced. (C. told me she was a little scared of me in the beginning.)
- Speaking and engaging in conversation when there is more than one other person.
- Saying hello to strangers.
- Calling businesses on the phone.
- Asking questions when I’m curious about something.
- Smiling at other people.
These are all things I have to deliberately do every time, but I’m happy I can at least do them now. There are days when I’m more limited or when it all seems impossible. But I’m trying. This is a far cry from the girl who used to hide in a dark room when there were too many people.